So, here, I'm workign on an introduction that does not seem too forced for the first person perspective. I want to show that Hannibal is a mage, indicate how he works magic, and introduce his name to the audience in a way that the situation calls for that information to be relayed to the reader. Which I believe this scene does in just one page.
“Hannibal Moxy! You are supposed to be a mage, so cast some magic!”
The shouts around the bar almost drowned out Jayna ______’s voice. However, the din of 7 people loudly clamoring and shouting in a magical firefight could not hide that piercing voice.
“Jayna, that’s not how my magic works!” I shout back. I peek above an upturned table to survey the carnage in the room and quickly move to the back by the serving bar. Jayna’s hidden behind it. She’s holding a small sword in her left hand. She asks, “So, what do you do?”
“Well, if I get in close enough, maybe I can drain the magic energy of your rampaging customer. I can feel it happening now. I don’t think we have half an hour for it to work, though.” I raise my head above the bar to confirm what I feel. I can sense where people are and how strong there are, magically. I can feel how gravity shifts around them. Worriedly, Jayna asks, “Can’t you cast a spell?”
“Jayna, I can, but I don’t have enough juice for everyone. Just be quiet and let me feel where they are so I know who to spend my energy against.” I can feel that there’s 3 of them. A couple of guys came in thinking they could knock over the bar. I’d been doing some part time work bussing tables at Jayna’s bar. She knew I had some limited magical ability but never was interested in it until now. Today, she gets the crash course on Hannibal Moxy. “Ok. I need you and your stabbing knife to go around the bar to the back right corner. I can feel two bodies there. One of them is Mr. Daniels. I bet the other is one of our robbers. He’s normal. You can fight him. I’m going to hop this bar to get the other two’s attention. Marvin Colquitt’s by the other normal one. When I distract them I’m betting Marvin will play a hero and take the other one down. I’ll get close to the mage and suck him dry.”
I use what little ambient energy I drew into me to conjure a protective field. “Go, go, go!” I yell as I hop the bar. The spell caster tries to throw force my way but it breaks against my field. Just keep throwing at me, I think. My ability to leech magic off a user means that the more they throw at me, the more they spend to fight me, and the more strength I gain from draining them. The longer a fight goes, the more certain I am of winning this fight. I just have to keep myself from being turned to a messy pulp before that tipping point.
Jayna gets to her man easily and cuts his arm’s muscles. She’s trained in using her sword to minimize killing. I couldn’t say the same for Marvin Colquitt. Marvin is an old soldier that I struck a casual friendship with while working for Jayna. He said he was former because he had an anger problem. He breaks the other normal guy’s arm and collarbone with a few twisting grapples. I grab the mage’s arms with my and put him into a hammerlock. The magical energy I’ve been getting from him as he tried to attack me let me make a set of magical shackles to cuff his hands behind his back. I kick his knees to put him kneeling on the ground and use my arms to put pressure on him to stay put. I keep taking energy off of him and using it to increase the strength of my muscles to hold him in place. I can feel him trying to blow the shackles off his hands, but he’s losing energy too fast to put any oomph in his spell. The mage screams bloody murder and struggles to get away from me, but he can’t. Eventually he slumps against my grip, defeated and prostrate. I joke towards Jayna, “Wanna make him kiss your boots?”
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