Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Robbery to be solved by Hannibal Moxy

Acid rain attempts to smoother the flames of Sunderville's streetside firelamps. The flames remain eternally lit. The essence of a nearby volcanoe is mined to power them. However, the glow from the magical flames shrinks as the acrid waters attempt to douse the lamps. Gaps of darkness begin to form along the city's stone roads.

Lars Ulrichson marches to the Sturm Museum. He stays in darkness where he can. When he is caught in the glow of a firelamps he is slightly obscured due to the downpour. The sight of a few empty burlap bags against his body can briefly be made out before he melts into the shadows. The darkness that slowly spreads over the city allows him to move with impunity.

Unseen, he trudges up the steps to the museum's entryway. He grabs hold of the handle to the Museum's entryway. He pulls the door off its hinges and casually tosses it to the side. He purposefully walks into the Museum's foyer, glancing around to spot any signs that can direct him to the Sigmund Treasure Horde. He is losing time. His forceful entrance has trigered a whisper message to be sent to the closest constabulary. He chooses to move straight and plows through a wall, hoping to find the Horde or someone who can lead him to it.

Louis Simon drifts through his watch round. The polished floor of the museum reflects the soft orange glow from the fire lamps inside the museum. His reflection in the floor is his silent partner during these rounds. The silence is broken by the sound of a distant cracking from beyond the left side wall. The halways begins to rumble and shake a few seconds later. The wall to Simon's left begins to break. The wall explodes and Lars emerges like a Titan birthed from the bedrock of the Earth.

Simon has little time before he is snatched by the raider's hands. A quick tug pulls Louis' face into the remaining wall. A quick flick of the wrist takes him down to the ground as the strongman steps through the hole in the wall. Lars drops to one knee, nestled against the crotch of Simon, and wraps a single hand against the scared security man's throat. Lars leans in close to Louis to ask, "Where is the Sigmund Horde?"

A shaky point of the finger is rewarded with a the snapping of bone. Lars the Vile stands and breaks into a full sprint down the hallway in the direction shown by Simon. Lars's frame crashes into another wall and he explodes into the main rom of the Sigmund Treasure Horde.

Lars manicly ransacks the place. Any object that immediately catches his attention gets shoveled into one of the several bags he brought with him. His mighty fists shatter glass cases that house golden treasures. Larger objects get casually tossed aside or kicked over. Bags leaden with ill gotten gains are thrown into the corner, far away from the theif's whirlwind of violence.

Once satisfied in excising his lust of carnage and destruction, Lars the Vile picks up the bags he tossed into the corner, makes a new exit through the wall of the room, and trots into the darkness of Sunderville's many unlit back alleys.

I have a feeling i could do a few things to change this up.
1-I just feel like I should have a stonger opening. I don't know whether I should open with the robbery in progress or use the scene I set initially, and just spice it up
2-I'm thinking that i should, perhaps, go into the history of the SIgmund Treasure Horde. Perhaps using the dicovery of a treasure horde and the excitement around it as a more solid opening than this?
3-I really feel like I did not go into enough detail of the robbery itself. I feel like I just wrote the most boring theft in literature.

What do all you party people think?

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